Saying Farewell
by JeeSun
Summary: Derek wanted Addison to leave Seattle. But how does he react when she actually does? An Addek fic.
1. 1

**Title: **Saying Farewell

**Author: **JeeSun

**Pairing: **Addison/Derek

**Spoilers: **This begins after _3.04 Oh, the Guilt_

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. If they were I wouldn't pretend as if Addison and Derek never were madly in love with each other.

**A/N: **This is a bit different from my the other GA fics I've written so far. There'll be several chapters. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this yet but we'll see. Reviews totally makes my day!!

I.

Addison almost makes a U-turn in the hallway when she sees that Derek is standing by the OR board with Meredith. Then she takes a deep breath, deciding it's time for her to move on with her life and let people know they can stop feeling sorry for her. She has to face her ex-husband sooner or later. She straightens her back and when she's passing them, she smiles slightly and nods at them. For a brief second, her eyes catch Derek's and she's pleased to see that they aren't looking as harsh and cold as before.

"Addison!"

She stops and turns around when she hears Derek's calling for her. As he walks up to her, she suddenly feels a bit nervous over being alone with him. It reminds her of when they were in college and when they first started dating. He had always been charming and outgoing. She on the other hand, had started college as very quiet and shy. But over the years, Derek had managed to bring out her confidence and her sparkling personality.

"Hey," she says quietly. She glances over his shoulder and sees Meredith looking at them curiously.

"Hey." He's quiet for a moment and just looks at her. He looks a bit worried and almost a bit sad too. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she says, a bit too quickly and a bit too convincing for someone who actually is.

Derek raises her eyebrows at her.

She shrugs. "What do you want me to say, Derek? I'm alright." She sighs. "How are you? How's everything going with…"

Derek interrupts her. "We don't have to have that type of relationship, Addison. I can only speak for myself but when you get a boyfriend I'd prefer not to hear about him or how your relationship is going."

Addison smiles slightly even though it hurts to hear her ex-husband talk so lightly about future boyfriends and relationships. To her, the thought of being in a relationship with another man than Derek still seems impossible.

"Anyway, I just wanted to see how you were," he says. "I want us to be civil around each other. Not just because we're working together." He's quiet for a few seconds and smiles gently at her. "I mean it'd be weird if we walked around here without taking notice of each other or pretend as if we at one time weren't more than what we are now."

"I thought you wanted me to leave Seattle." Addison regrets saying it the second it's left her mouth.

"I did. But when I told you that you had just told me you and Mark had a relationship in New York. I was hurt and felt betrayed – once again."

"I'm sorry, Derek," she says honestly.

He nods and smiles sadly at her. "I know, Addie. Thank you."

Addison sticks her hands in her pockets and nods at him. "Okay. Now if you'll excuse me I have to…"

She stops talking when she realizes that Derek isn't listening to her anymore. Instead his eyes are focusing on her left breast. Embarrassed, she crosses her arms over her chest and awkwardly shifts her weight from one foot to the other. But he just puts his hand on one of her arms and gently forces her to loosen her grip. His hand stays on her lower arm. Addison's noticing that Meredith is glancing over at them with worried eyes and she tries to let him go of her.

"Derek!" she says through gritted teeth, still not understanding what he's doing.

He straightens out her coat where her name is. Addison looks down and bites her bottom lip as she's realizing what caught his attention.

"You've got rid of Shepherd?" The way he says it makes it sound more like a statement than a question.

She shrugs. I couldn't really see a point in keeping it."

Finally, he lifts his head and meets her eyes. "But you're family! You've been a Shepherd since the day I brought you home to meet my family for the first time."

"Derek, we're divorced now. I'm not family anymore."

She smiles sadly at him before walking away.

---

When she comes home from work she lays down on the bed. She rolls her eyes when she thinks about the fact that she just called this hotel room her home. She knows she should start to look for a new apartment, but she never seems to have time. But the truth is she doesn't want to take the time. In the last, she was still hoping for her and Derek to sort things out. But the divorce-papers have been signed and Addison has slowly begun to realize they'll never be 'Derek and Addison' again. Still, looking for a new home where she'll live without him scares her and will put a definite end to their relationship.

She covers her eyes with her arm and takes a deep breath. She's tired and figures she'll try to get an early night's sleep. God knows, she needs it. As she's gathering strength to get out of bed to brush her teeth and change her clothes, her phone rings.

She sighs and plays with the thought of not answering. But it might be something important. One of the first things she learned as an intern was that if you wanted to be a top doctor, you're always available.

"Hello?" She said tiredly.

"Addie?"

Addison smiles softly as she recognizes the voices. "Hi there Nancy. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I just got back home from a charity event. You would have loved it, Addie!"

Addison smiles, knowing that Nancy is right. She used to love going to all sort of charity events and benefits. It was a good opportunity to dress up, meet new people but most importantly, help the less fortunate.

"What can I do for you, Nance?"

The other end of the line is silent for a few seconds and Addison's starting to wonder if Nancy heard her. But then she hears Nancy taking a deep breath.

"Come back to New York."

Addison can't help laughing a little. "You know I can't do that. Seattle is my now. I have my job here and all of my…" She trails of and gets quiet.

"Friends?" Nancy fills in with soft voice. "Addie, you know I love you like a sister and I'm not saying this to hurt you but he's not coming back."

"It's not just Derek," Addison says quietly but hears how lame she sounds. Nancy is one of her best friends and Derek's sister. She knows both of them and and how their relationship's neen working over the past years better than anyone.

"He's not coming back," Nancy repeats, more firmly this time. "There's nothing that keeps you in Seattle anymore. You need to start over, far away from Derek and his intern. We both know that Seattle never was for you. You need Manhattan and charity events. You need to have dinner at five star restaurants and the cute little outfits you couldn't wear anywhere else but here." Nancy is quiet for a second. "And Manhattan needs you, Addie. And I need you too. I miss you."

"Nancy…"

"You're lonely in Seattle. You had a life here. Just think about it. That's all I'm asking."

Addison smiles slightly. "Okay, I will."

After she's hung up the phone, Addison walks over to the table where there are some daily papers. She turns the pages but when she reaches the section for available apartments, she throws the papers in the trashcan. Nancy was right. There's nothing that keeps her in Seattle anymore. She's going back to New York.

- TBC -


	2. 2

**A/N: **Thank you so much for all of your reviews!! I hope you like this part.

II.

"Are you sure about this?" Richard takes off his glasses and looks at Addison with questioning eyes.

She nods. "I am."

"Is this about Derek?"

"Yes, a bit. But it's not just about him, Richard. I miss New York. Seattle was never for me."

She can't help smiling to herself when she realizes she's sounding exactly like Nancy did last night.

"I'm sad to see you go and if it was up to me I wouldn't let you but unfortunately I can't stop you."

He raises and walks around the desk before leaning against it. He looks down at Addison who's sitting in the chair. "Always keep in mind, though; we will always have a place saved for you here."

Addison stands up as well and smiles at Richard before kissing him lightly on the cheek. "Thank you, chief. And thanks for letting me go so quickly. I have a feeling that if I stay here much longer I might change my mind."

He doesn't say anything. Addison is touched by how he seems so sincerely sad to let her go. She's always been close with Richard but it's first now that she realizes that they are just as good friends as co-workers.

When she leaves Richard's office she notices that some of Bailey's interns are looking in her direction with curious eyes. She sighs and rolls her eyes. She's never been a fan of his office with windows instead of actual walls. Who knows what rumors Stevens and Yang might spread? Even though, Bailey's group of interns is known as the most intelligent and most promising in years, they're also surrounded with more scandals and rumors than any other group has been in Seattle Grace – ever.

"Dr. Montgomery?" Cristina walks quickly towards her. "Is there anything I can do for you today?"

Addison shakes her head with a small smile. "No, thank you Dr. Yang. I have a surgery in a couple of hours but I already have Karev to assist me today."

Izzie slowly walks up to them. Addison smiles at her. She's always liked Izzie. She reminds her of herself during her internship.

"Is everything alright, Dr. Montgomery?" Izzie asks carefully.

Addison shrugs. "Sure. Is there a reason why it shouldn't be?"

Izzie lowers her voice. "It's just that, we saw…" She glances at Cristina. "I mean, we couldn't help noticing that, uh, the chief looked a bit sad when you talked to him."

Cristina looks at Izzie as if she can't believe she actually just said that. Addison has to look away to hide her smirk. She doesn't know if Izzie is just being curious or caring. Either way, she finds it endearing.

She puts her hand on Izzie's shoulder and smiles at her. "Everything's fine, Stevens. I'll see you around."

---

After her surgery she bumps in to Derek in the hallway. At first it's a bit awkward as they try to untangle themselves from each other without touching too much. When no parts of their bodies are no longer touching, they just stand there in front of each other in the hallway.

"Good work on the operation," Derek says after a while.

"Thanks," Addison says slowly. "But who told you? You spoke to Karev?"

Derek looks down and if Addison didn't know better she'd think he was blushing.

"No, I just… I had some time over and I saw on the board that you were in surgery." He says without looking at her.

Addison looks at him in disbelief. She isn't quite sure what he's trying to do here. Why is he being so nice to her all of the sudden? She can't help feeling a bit angry with him and decides to question him on it.

"What exactly are you doing?" She asks and crosses her arms over her chest.

"What do you mean?" He asks with innocent voice. "You know it relaxes me to see you in surgery."

She nods. She knows it's true. She feels the same way about seeing him in surgery. It used to be their thing. Whenever they had some time over they used to look at the other operate, both to give their support but also to be amazed and inspired by the other's talent and gift for this profession.

"Okay," she says with softer voice. "It's just that, yesterday and today, you've been so nice to me and I can't understand why."

"I want us to be friends."

Suddenly, she's feeling angry again. "Why? Why would you like us to be friends?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. I just…" He gets quiet as if he realizes he's said too much.

Addison puts a hand to her forehead as if she can't believe what's going on. Once again, Derek is playing with her feelings. "Derek, I can't be friends with you."

He looks sadly at her.

"You know I can't – at least not now. We just got divorced. It's not normal for ex-spouses to be friends so close after their divorce." She's silent for a second, and then looks down before saying, "Not unless they never were in love."

"I get it," he says sadly. "But whenever you're ready…"

She smiles slightly at him. "Actually there is something I want to tell you. I don't have too but since you have this crazy idea about us being good friends sometime in the future…," she says jokingly. "Derek, you get Seattle."

He looks confused at her and wrinkles appear on his forehead.

"I'm moving back to New York!" Addison says when she sees that Derek has no clue what she's talking about.

"But what… Why… You're moving back to New York?" Derek asks and the tone of his voice is nothing like Addison expected. Actually, she's not sure what she'd expected but it wasn't this. "You can't, Addison. Just a couple of days ago you told me you weren't leaving. You told me that this is your home now."

Addison shrugs. "Yeah, but I've thought about it a lot lately. Then Nancy called me last night."

"Nancy called you?" Derek interrupts.

Addison raises her eyebrows. "Yes, we are friends. Remember?"

Derek ignores the sarcasm in Addison's voice and still looks as if he can't believe what she just told him. "What about your job? Have you talked to Richard?"

"As a matter of fact I have." She looks confused. "I don't get it. What's the matter with you? You'll get Seattle and I'll move back to New York. That's what you asked me to do less than a week ago. So, I'm going."

"It's just that…" He trails off and looks away. When his eyes meets hers again she's stunned to see that it looks as if he's about to tear up any second now. "When are you leaving? Are we talking months here?"

"Actually, I'm leaving in two weeks."

"Two weeks?"

Addison nods. Then she sees that Alex is waving at her further down the hallway, holding up some papers. "I have to go, Derek."

Derek turns around to look after her as she walks further and further away from him.

- TBC -


	3. 3

**A/N: **Again, thank you for reviewing. It means a lot to me! This part is a bit different from the other two because it isn't from Addison's POV but I hope you like it anyway.

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**III.**

Derek leans back against the wall in the elevator and covers his face with his hands. Addison was right. He should be happy. She's giving him Seattle, just like he asked her too. But now when he has it he feels empty and sad instead of happy and relieved.

Just as the doors are about to close Meredith squeezes in between them. When she sees Derek she smiles brightly. He does his best to smile back at her. Meredith doesn't say anything. Instead she moves closer to him so their arms are touching. He knows she's waiting for him to say something or touch her but somehow he can't bring himself to do either. Most of all, he wants her to get out of here. He needs to be alone or to see Addison.

"Hey, are you okay?" Meredith bumps his arm with her elbow and looks worriedly at him.

He shrugs. "Yes, of course."

She keeps looking at him. "And we? Are we okay?"

He can't help letting out a sigh. "Everything isn't about us, Meredith." He says it even though he knows she doesn't deserve to hear it and that it'll hurt her feelings but right now he doesn't care.

"Oh," is everything she says and she takes a step away from him.

Thankfully, the elevator reaches her floor before the silence between them gets awkward.

Before she walks out in the hallway she turns her head. "You're coming over tonight?"

He looks at her and when he sees how innocent and confused she looks, he knows he can't say no. "Yes," he says quietly.

Meredith smiles softly and turns the other direction. Derek sighs and doesn't even look after her as she walks away. There used to be a time when he did, when he couldn't get enough of watching her. He shrugs and tells himself to get a grip. He made his choice and now he has to stand by it.

- - -

Meredith casually walks by the table where Addison is having lunch with Callie and Bailey. A year ago she'd probably nod politely at her seeing as they were all friends back then. Or at least that was what Addison thought they were. Meredith never saw Addison as her friend, only as an obstacle from the man she loved. She doesn't like to think of what happened last year any more than she likes to think about prom. It's not that she's a shamed of it or that she's feeling guilty. She just doesn't like the thought of Derek being Addison's at one time.

When she puts down her tray at the table where her fellow interns are sitting they get quiet. She looks suspiciously at them as she sits down. Alex just keeps eating his sandwich but the other three are exchanging glances. Cristina and Izzie finally end up looking on George who nervously shifts in his chair.

"No, why do I have to…?"

"What's going on here?" Meredith asks slowly, looking at each and every one of them but then stops at George just like the rest of them.

George nervously looks away and holds up his hands in defense. "Why am I the one who has to say it?"

Cristina rolls her eyes and looks over at Addison's table before leaning closer to Meredith. "You knew Montgomery is quitting?"

Meredith raises her eyebrows. "She's quitting? When? What? Who told you?"

Izzie smiles and leans in over the table. "The word is that she's only in town for two more weeks. Then she's going back to New York. Callie told George earlier."

George looks nervously at Meredith, Cristina and Izzie. "You didn't hear it from me, okay?"

"Of course we didn't," Izzie says and gently pushes George away by putting her hand on his shoulder. "So, this is good news right?"

"Why is it good news?" Everyone turns to look at Alex in surprise. "I just don't see it. She's one of the best attendings we have here. That's all I'm saying."

"But it's still good news to Meredith," Izzie says and rolls her eyes. "She'll finally have McDreamy all to herself."

"Whatever." Alex gets up and leaves.

Izzie giggles. "What's his problem?" Then she turns back to Meredith with a huge grin. "So, great news huh?"

Meredith shrugs, not really sure of what she's feeling. "Yeah, I guess."

She looks over at Addison who's laughing at something with Callie and Bailey. She seems more relaxed and comfortable than Meredith has seen her in a long time. In fact, she's pretty sure she's never seen this light-hearted and happy side of her before. She doesn't know why but she gets a weird feeling at the pit of her stomach.

- - -

Derek stops outside the door to Meredith's bedroom for a few seconds. He wants to gather his thoughts and try to pull himself together. The entire day had passed in a daze and he even had to cancel one of his surgeries afraid he would screw up if he performed it. He's been feeling sad ever since Addison told him she's leaving and now he has to see Meredith and act like everything's fine.

He turns the knob on the door and enters quietly. Secretly, he's hoping that Meredith's already a sleep. He even tried to find some extra paperwork not to get here too early. But luck hasn't been on his side lately and as he moves towards the bed Meredith sits up in the bed and turns on the light.

"You're still awake?"

She rolls her eyes and smiles slightly. "Don't look so excited about it."

Derek shakes his head. "No, sorry. It's just that it's late and… Normally, I wouldn't have come this late but I promised and…"

"Derek, what's going on here?" Meredith looks confused at him. "You're acting weird."

Derek sighs and forces himself to walk over to the bed. He sits down on her side and takes her hand in his. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I had a busy day."

He kisses her lightly on the lips and then starts to take off his clothes.

"You had a busy day?" Meredith repeats with sarcasm in her voice.

Derek is just about to pull off his shirt but stops when he hears what Meredith's saying. "Yes. Is there something weird about that?"

"No." Meredith is quiet for a short moment, allowing Derek to take off all his clothes and get in to bed next to her. "So it has nothing to do with Addison and the fact that she's going back to New York?"

Derek stiffens but stays in the same position, with his back facing her. "How do you know about Addison going back to New York?"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that we have a problem with our communication here." She's starting to get upset and Derek is silently cursing to himself, wishing he had gone straight home after work instead of here. "Is there something I should know?"

"No." It's barely a whisper but he can't bring himself to talk louder.

"Do I have something to worry about?" She asks quietly, sounding afraid of the answer. When he doesn't answer she gently puts his hand on his back. "Derek, I understand if you're sad that she's leaving. After all, she's been a part of your life the past fifteen years. I just need you to talk to me, okay?"

Derek closes his eyes hard and forces back the tears and the lump in his throat. Then he rolls over and looks at Meredith. He puts his arm around her upper body and pushes closer to her. Then he presses his lips against hers harshly before forcing her to part them with his tongue. He doesn't have an answer for her yet but in the meantime he hopes that this will be enough for her.

- TBC -


	4. 4

**A/N: **I hope you all have enjoyed the holidays!! And I hope that you'll like this chapter. Again, thanks for reviewing.

* * *

**4.**

Addison finds an empty table in the cafeteria and puts down her trey on the table. She didn't see anyone she normally talks to so instead of having lunch with someone she'd rather not talk to she decided it'd be nicer to sit alone. Had it been a couple of weeks ago she'd never eaten alone, afraid that the other doctors would think of her as the snotty doctor from New York who didn't want to socialize with them. But now, she only had a week left at Seattle Grace so she couldn't care less of what they thought of her.

"Is this seat taken?"

Addison looks up from the paper she's reading and sees Mark. She hasn't talked to him in a while. When they do, all they seem to do is fight so when she sees him in the hallways she turns the other way most of the times. But now it really doesn't matter. She keeps the fact that she's leaving in a week in the back of her head all the time which makes her so much more tolerant.

"Go ahead." She makes a gesture with her hand for him to sit down.

"So, is the rumor true?" Mark asks and leans closer to her over the table.

She looks confused at him. "I'm going to need you to specify what rumor you're referring too. God knows there are too many circulating in this place."

"The rumor about you leaving." Mark looks sadly at her.

She knows she shouldn't feel guilty or that she has any obligations to Mark but something about the way he looks at her makes her feel nostalgic and remember how good friends she and Derek actually were with Mark back on the East Coast before everything went downhill. Despite everything that's happened between them during the past years, he still is one of her oldest friends.

She puts her hand over his on the table. "I'm sorry, Mark. I should have told you earlier but I've been so busy the last couple of days; arranging with the trip back and trying to find a decent apartment by just looking at pictures on the internet."

"I'm not coming after you this time." At first Addison isn't quite sure what he's meaning but then she sees the twinkle in his eyes and that he starts to smirk. "I'm just saying. Seattle's starting to grow on me."

Both of them laugh for a short moment but then they turn serious again.

Addison smiles softly at him. "Thank you."

"How did Derek take it?"

Addison sighs and a wrinkle appear on her forehead. "That's the thing. I thought he'd be happy but I don't know. There was something off with him when I told him. It was really weird actually."

"He still loves you, Addie," Mark says matter-of-factly.

Addison shakes her head and closes her eyes for a short moment. "You shouldn't say things like that, Mark."

"Okay," he says quietly. "Gosh, how did we end up in this mess?"

Addison shrugs and smiles sadly at him. Her smile quickly fades away when she sees that Derek and Meredith are entering the cafeteria. Mark turns around to see what she's looking at.

"Are you going to talk to him again?"

"I don't know. Part of me wants to say goodbye but part of me just wants to move on. I need to start over and the sooner the better."

"Are you sure about this? Do you really think running away will solve your problems?"

"I'm not running away."

Mark raises her eyebrows at her. He's known her long enough to know when she's telling a lie.

Addison sighs. "Listen, the real reason why I'm leaving isn't important. What is important is that I've made my choice and I'm going to stand by it."

She looks over at the table that Derek shares with Meredith. For a moment her eyes catches Derek but she quickly looks away.

- - -

"So this is where all of you go after a hard day's work?" Richard asks as he sits down in a booth.

"Yup, Joe's the place to be."

Derek looks around the bar and is glad to see that none of Meredith's friends are there. When Richard asked him to have a beer with him yesterday he couldn't have said yes any faster. The last days with Meredith had been good and most of the times he'd been able to push away the thought of Addison leaving but he still needed space. Meredith hadn't given him any space at all lately, though. She was clingy and insecure but Derek knew it was his fault so he didn't say anything. He told himself that things would get better.

"So, tell me about the plan," Derek says, drinking his beer.

The reason Richard gave when he asked Derek to have a beer with him was because he wanted to let him in on this great new plan he had to win Adele back.

Richard looks bummed. "I don't have a plan, Derek. I was hoping you could help me."

Derek raises his eyebrows and can't help laughing a little. "You want me to give you advice on how to fix your marriage? Seriously?"

Richard shrugs.

"I've just gotten divorced. I don't think I'm the one you need for this."

"How are you taking it?" Richard asks with a serious tone on his voice.

He doesn't have to be more specific. Derek knew already when the chief asked him to come along to Joe's that Addison's moving would come up.

Derek looks sad and plays with the coaster on the table. "What can I say? It's chaos in my head and has been for a while now."

"That's what I thought."

Derek is quiet for a while before he realizes that Richard is waiting for him say something. Derek looks pleadingly at Richard who immediately understands that he's not ready to talk about it yet and that he probably hasn't figured out himself yet what he thinks of everything.

Richard clears his throat. "So, about Adele. You can't come up with any good ideas?"

Derek smiles slightly. "What do you think she would like you to do?"

Richard sighs in frustration but then he shakes his head and smiles to himself as if he's remembering something funny.

"You know what's weird with Adele?" Derek shakes his head. "The Adele everyone knows is always so well put together with the clothes, the hair and the jewelry. A person who sees her for the first time would probably take her as a woman who expects her husband to give her expensive presents all the time and that she wouldn't settle for anything simple." Richard is quiet for a few seconds and Derek looks expectantly at him. "You know, those people couldn't be more wrong. On one of her anniversaries I took her to the most expensive and fanciest restaurants in Manhattan but she wasn't that thrilled about it, to be honest. Then the next year I decided to try something different. I organized a picnic in Central Park and I made our sandwiches and the rest of the food from scratch."

Derek smirks. "You cooked?"

Richard shrugs. "I didn't say that it tasted that well. But the point is that Adele didn't care. She still thinks of that anniversary as the best one."

"Then that's what you have to do!" Richard looks confused at Derek. "You ask Adele to meet you in some park and trick her into thinking you only want to take a walk and talk to her. But instead of that…"

"…I've organized a picnic for her again," Richard fills in and smiles widely.

Derek nods and smiles as well, happy to see Richard look more excited than in years. "Exactly."

They are quiet for a while. Richard has a stupid smile on his lips and Derek knows that he's thinking about 'The great plan' they just came up with. Derek's thoughts wander off in a not so happy direction, though.

"You know, the way you described Adele reminded me so much about Addison," Derek says quietly after a while.

Richard's smile quickly fades away as he understands that Derek is ready to talk to him now.

"She's the same. She thinks it's so important to keep up her appearance in public but when it's just the two of us… She doesn't care. She wears sweats, no make-up, no jewelry and she just is Addison. It's at those times when she's the most comfortable and at most ease. And the most beautiful and loveable," he says quietly. "She could never look and act that way around anyone else than me, though." He snorts and drinks up what's left in his glass. "Now if that isn't true love I don't know what is," he adds bitterly.

Richard looks at him with sad eyes. It's weird to hear Derek talk like this, especially when he knows that he isn't even drunk yet. "Adele always used to tell me how much you and Addison reminded her of us."

When he sees the way Derek looks at him he almost regrets saying that, but only almost. He's always been honest with Derek and that isn't going to stop now. If there's a slight possibility that Derek regrets letting Addison go, it's better that he figures it out now than later in life, no matter what the outcome and the aftermath will be.

"I want her back, Richard," Derek admits quietly. "Despite everything that has happened between me and Addison, with the infidelity and everything in between, when I signed the divorce papers I knew that a part of me would always love her."

Again, Derek gets quiet for a moment. Richard can tell by just looking at him how confused Derek really is. The war of emotions that's going on in his head at the moment is probably bigger than any other he's been through yet.

Derek sighs and nods slowly as if he's finally made up his mind. "But I'm starting to realize that I am still _in_ love with her," he adds after a brief moment.

"Are you sure about it this time? Isn't it just because she's leaving?"

Derek shrugs. "Honestly, I don't know. I thought I loved Meredith but I'm not so sure anymore. It wouldn't make any sense when all I'm thinking about is Addie. I can't imagine living here without her; the thought of not being able to see her everyday. The thought of being a continent away from her scares me more than I've ever been scared of anything before."

"The last time you picked her instead of Meredith it didn't turn out that well, though. What do you think would be different this time?"

Richard knows that he's sounding like an interrogator but he doesn't want to see them go back down that road again. He's tired of standing by the sideline and see them hurt each other. But if this is something that Derek is actually prepared to fight for he'll give him is full support.

"This isn't about picking, Richard. "Derek sounds slightly offended. He looks down and swallows to force back the lump in his throat. "This is about belonging. When I'm not with Addison a part of me is missing. I belong with her and she belongs with me." He looks up and straight into Richard's eyes. "We belong together. I can't function without her."

Richard nods slowly. He understands exactly what Derek is meaning. And for the first time he gets what Adele meant when she used to say that Addison and Derek were like them, only younger.

"Okay, then," Richard says after a minute. "Now what are you going to do to make _her_ realize that?"

- TBC -


	5. 5

**A/N: **This chapter was a bit difficult to write, in particular the last section. I still think I could have done a bit more with it but I wanted to keep the story going and I already have ideas for the two upcoming chapters. Anyway, I hope you like it. Happy new year, btw!

* * *

**5.**

Addison smiles when she sees that both Miranda and Callie are standing by the OR board. Happily she walks up to them and waits until they've finished their conversation before the lets them know of her presence.

"Hey, girls," she says.

Bailey raises her eyebrows. "Girls? I thought we've since long passed that stage."

Callie just laughs but then she turns to Addison with sad eyes. "I can't believe you're leaving in only two days. I know it sounds pathetic considering we haven't known each other that long, but I'm really going to miss you."

Addison puts her hand on Callie's lower arm and smiles softly at her. "Thank you. I'm going to miss you too." She looks at Miranda. "Both of you."

Miranda doesn't say anything. Slightly uncomfortable she looks the other way.

Addison clears her throat and smiles widely at them again. "Anyway, since it's my last day at work today I wanted to ask you if you want to have dinner with me tonight."

"Yeah, of course. Just say the time and the place and we'll be there," Callie says and bumps her arm against Miranda.

"Sure, count me in," Miranda says.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to take it in the restaurant at the hotel but it's actually not that bad. I have to get up early tomorrow and take care of the last things."

"Sounds good to me." Callie smiles. "It's close to my home as well," she adds with a sarcastic voice and rolls her eyes.

"Richard and Mark are joining us too. I want to say goodbye to them as well."

Miranda looks surprised at her. "Mark? Really?"

Addison shrugs. Last night when she thought about who she wanted to invite to this small goodbye-dinner she had her doubts when it came to Mark. But after the lunch they shared a couple of days ago she knew she couldn't leave him out, not only because he'd be hurt and feel betrayed once again but also because she wanted to say goodbye to him. Somehow, she had a weird feeling that tonight might be the last she saw of Mark in a long time. It seemed as if he'd finally realized that it would never be them and that he would let her go this time without any trouble.

"I think it's time to make peace with him," Addison says matter-of-factly.

"And what about that ex-husband of yours?" Miranda asks with stern voice.

Addison looks away and shakes her head. "I can't say goodbye to him," she whispers. "He's been acting so weird these past two weeks and I'm afraid that if I talk to him before I leave, he'll try to stop me." When she sees the way Miranda and Callie looks at her, she sighs. "I know that I told you he was the one who wanted me to leave at the first place but I was married to him for eleven years. I know what and how he's thinking." She bites her lower lip and briefly closes her eyes. "He's always wanted to have what he couldn't get," she adds bitterly.

- - -

Addison smiles cheerfully and accepts the kiss on her cheek from Mark with a huge grin. Mark had just given a speech about how Addison would turn back in to this upper-class Manhattan-chick the minute she lands at JFK airport. Miranda and Callie, in particular, had enjoyed hearing Mark tell them about how Addison used to be when she lived in New York. Somehow, Mark managed to tell them a great deal about Addison without mentioning anything that would lead any of them to think about her failed marriage with Derek.

Richard clears his throat and when everyone turns his attention to him he looks awkward and nervously shifts on the chair. "Um, Addie, we've known each other for a long time and I just wanted to say that I'm going to miss you, both as a friend and as a co-worker." If it's possible, he's looking even more awkward and embarrassed now than he did only a minute ago. "Anyway, I brought you a goodbye-present. Actually it's from both me and Adele."

He puts a small black box on the table and pushes it towards her. When Addison opens the box she can't help gasping.

"Richard, I can't accept this. It's too much." The others watch in amazement at the gold necklace she's holding up.

Richard nods. "Sure you can. Adele wanted you to have it. I bought it for her on our twelfth anniversary."

Addison looks confused for a short moment. Then she smiles and puts her hand over Richard's on the table. "Thank you, Richard. And please say thank you to Adele the next time you see her."

Richard smiles smugly. "Actually I'm going to see her later tonight."

Addison looks surprised at him. "Tonight? You've worked everything out?"

Richard shrugs. "Not yet, but we're getting there. She wanted to come herself tonight but she's coming down with something."

"You're going over to take care of her later? Don't forget to bring soup." Mark smirks at Richard who just rolls his eyes and ignores the comment.

"That's great!" Addison says and gets up to give Richard a hug. "I'm really happy for the two of you."

"Actually Derek helped me," Richard mentions.

Addison looks suspiciously at him. "Derek? Really?"

Richard nods. Then he smiles softly at her. "You know Addie, the reason we wanted to give you the necklace I gave Adele on our twelfth anniversary actually has an intention." She looks confused at him as he leans forward to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to leave now but come by my office tomorrow when you stop by to get your last things."

Addison nods and almost has tears in her eyes as she says goodbye to him even though she'll see him tomorrow.

"What do you think it means?" Callie asks after Richard has left, nodding at the necklace that Addison's holding in her hand.

She shrugs. "I have no idea."

Mark catches her eyes and gives her a knowing smile. Addison just looks away. It doesn't make any sense. Why would she get a present Adele got on their twelfth anniversary? It was the same number of the anniversary she never got to celebrate with Derek because they got divorced only two months earlier. When she looks into Mark's eyes, she knows he's thinking the same.

- - -

When Addison enters her hotel room she looks around the room with a content smile. Almost all of her suitcases are packed and are standing by the door. Her clothes are the only things she's taking with her to New York. She and Derek never bought any furniture or paintings in Seattle. They wouldn't have looked good in the trailer and they wouldn't have had any room for them either.

She sits down on the bed and looks at the necklace Richard gave her. She still doesn't understand it but it's a beautiful present nonetheless. She pulls out the drawer to her nightstand and with a quiet sigh she takes out her wedding rings. She holds them up in the light and reads the inscription. In her engagement ring it says: '_A, forever yours /D_'. In her wedding ring she and Derek chose the simple inscription of each other's names and the date of their wedding day. She feels a tear roll down her cheek. Still, she can't bring herself to get rid of the rings. Carefully she puts them on the gold necklace and then around her neck. She walks over to the mirror and looks at herself as she's silently letting the tears fall.

Then there's a knock on the door. "Addison?" Addison gasps as she recognizes Derek's voice. "Addie, I know that you're in there!"

Addison puts her hand over the necklace on her chest and closes her eyes, telling herself this isn't happening.

"Addie, please open the door," Derek pleads with soft voice.

Hearing Derek use that soft and caring tone of voice that reminds her so much of the way he used to talk to her the first years is all it takes for her to realize that she has to see him one more time. Quickly, before she can change her mind she walks over to the door and opens it. She doesn't even bother to wipe away her tears.

"You've been crying?" Derek asks softly.

Addison shrugs and walks back into the room. She sits down on the bed and waits for Derek to follow. Quietly, he closes the door and walks towards her but he doesn't sit down next to her. Instead he stays standing, keeping a slight distance between them.

"You were just going to leave without saying goodbye?" Derek asks sadly.

Again, Addison shrugs. Then she remembers the necklace around her neck. At first she's thinking of excusing herself and go to the bathroom to take it off. But then she decides she doesn't care what he thinks anymore. He isn't worth the trouble. Slowly, her hands moves up around the back of her neck and she unclasps the necklace. During this entire process her eyes are fixed on Derek's and she can tell that he's seen the wedding rings.

"Addison..." He whispers, nearly choking on his voice.

"I don't know what to do with them. I don't want to throw them away," she says honestly.

He takes a step towards her. "I miss you," he blurts out. "Don't leave," he adds almost inaudible.

"I was afraid this would happen," she says tiredly. "You always want what you can't have, Derek. It's always been like that."

Derek shakes his head. "No, it's not like that. I'm still in love with you. During these past two weeks I've realized that I still love you. No matter what papers we signed you're still me wife."

"No, I'm not!" Addison snaps and stands up. "I'm so tired of you doing this to me! Every time that I finally manage to break away you find a way to pull me back." She swallows the lump in her throat. "It won't happen this time, Derek. Not again. I won't let you trick me into thinking this…" She gestures widely with her hands in the empty space between them."…us, could actually work."

"Addison…"

"No! I don't want to hear it. I won't let you do this to me again. I won't let you ruin it. My future is in New York."

"Is this about New York? If it is I'll come with you and we can start over there. I'll do anything…"

"And what happens if you go back to New York with me?" Addison interrupts. "You'll start ignoring me again and pretend like I don't exist until I sleep with your best friend and you throw me out?" She crosses her arms over her chest and doesn't care that she's crying openly now. "This isn't about New York," she says and sighs. "This is about you and me and nothing else. This is about me not being able to function or move on with my life with you being so close. This is about the fact that you and I aren't good together and that we're best when we're apart." She sits down on the bed again and looks down. "It's really sad, Derek, because I still love you, I really do." She forces back her tears and looks up at him. "God, Derek, you're the love of my life but I've come to the point where I realize that it just isn't worth it anymore."

Derek shakes his head, almost desperately. "But it is!" His voice is getting louder and more desperate. "You'll realize it is worth it and when you do I'll be here, waiting for you."

"Derek, please," she says weakly. "Leave me alone. Just leave me alone."

Derek shakes his head again, putting his arms around his body as if he's hugging himself. He's doing everything he can not to start crying. "I can't do that," he whispers. "You know I can't do that."

Addison raises her eyebrows. "You had no trouble with that after I slept with Mark." She can see that the words are hurting him and she hates what she does to him right now. But at this point she's ready to do whatever it takes to get him out of there. If she lets him stay, she's afraid she'll fall for his words and take him back. "Nor at prom," she adds bitterly. "Or all the other times that Meredith entered the room."

Both of them are surprised to hear a light tapping on the door. Before either of them can answer the door opens and Mark enters. When he left his hotel room his intention had been to see if Addison needed any help with any last minute preparations before leaving. But then he had heard their voices out in the hallway and he had waited. But after a couple of minutes he'd heard them getting more upset and angrier, so he decided to step in.

He looks over at Addison and thinks he's probably never seen her look this exhausted before. When he looks at Derek he sees the same desperation in his eyes that Addison had when she showed up at his doorstep in the middle of the night after Derek had told her their marriage was over.

Mark gently puts his arm on Derek's shoulder. "Derek, come on. Let's give Addie some space."

Derek glances at Mark for a short moment then back at Addison who doesn't meet his eyes. He nods and lets Mark lead him towards the door. Before Mark closes the door he turns his head to look at Addison. She nods at him and even manages to give him the tiniest smile he's ever seen to let him know she'll be okay.

- TBC -


	6. 6

**A/N: **First of all, I'm sorry for the delay. The thing is that I've been very busy lately and in about a week I'll be going away for six months and I don't know how much access I'll have to a computer and internet. But I wanted to finish this fic before I'm leaving so that's why this part might seem a bit stressed. But I hope you like it anyway. Another note at the end.

* * *

**6.**

As Addison is walking through the hallways at Seattle Grace she takes her time to take all of Seattle Grace in. Even though the time she spent here wasn't the best of her life, she still wants to remember the hospital because it had had its good moment too, like when Derek asked her to prom. Addison shrugs at the memory and tells herself to stop thinking about Derek.

"Dr. Montgomery?"

Addison spins around and smiles slightly when she sees its Alex and Izzie. "Shadowing Dr. Karev today, Stevens?"

Izzie shrugs. "Yeah, but hopefully it'll be over soon. I have a meeting with the chief in a couple of days."

Addison smiles friendly at her before turning to Alex. "Who are you assigned to today? Dr. Sloan?"

He rolls his eyes. "No, Dr. Anderson, the woman who's taking over your job." He sighs. "I've only met her for five minutes but from what I can tell, in her normal state she's even worse than Bailey is on the war path."

Addison can't help laughing. "I told you you'd miss me," she jokes and winks at him. Alex doesn't say anything, just looks away and Addison turns serious. "Listen, whatever you decide to specialize in I'm sure you'll turn out to be a great surgeon." She looks at Izzie. "That goes for both of you."

With a small smile she turns the other direction and walks away from them.

"You know if it wasn't for Meredith and all that stuff I'd totally idolize that woman," Izzie says to Alex and laughs a little as she looks after Addison.

Addison looks at the time and realizes that she has enough time to go and talk to Richard for a while. All her packing is done and she's emptied her office. The only thing she's waiting for now is to get on that plane back to New York and she figures the time will go faster if she keeps busy.

When she sees that Meredith is passing the corner at the end of the hallway the thought of turning the opposite direction crosses her mind. But then she shrugs and figures she'll be leaving in less than 24 hours now so she might as well face her. As they pass each other in the hallway, Meredith doesn't look up at her though.

"Dr. Grey?"

Meredith stops walking but doesn't turn around until several seconds has passed. When she does, Addison can see that her eyes are red and puffy. She takes a tentative step closer to her.

"Is everything alright, Dr. Grey?"

Meredith looks at her as if she can't believe what she just heard. Addison nearly flinches by just looking in to Meredith's eyes. She's never seen Meredith this angry or upset before.

"That husband of yours showed up at my doorstep 4 a.m. this morning and told me he still loves you," Meredith says bitterly and crosses her arms over her chest. "So am I alright? No, Dr. Montgomery or whatever your name is these days, I'm not alright. Alright would have been if I'd never been dragged into the freak show that your marriage is. Alright would have been if the both of you had just stayed in New York and never moved to Seattle to screw me over."

"Listen, Meredith," Addison says, not caring about their titles anymore. "I feel sorry for you, I really do."

"Don't give me that crap."

Addison sighs. "I'm leaving in less than 24 hours. What else I can do?"

"You can take that lousy husband of yours with you," Meredith snaps and spins around and hurries away.

Addison takes a deep breath and reminds herself that soon she'll be out of here. But what Meredith just said stays in her mind. Even though Derek declared his love for her yesterday night, she didn't think he would end things with Meredith. In fact, she was pretty sure he'd settle for his life in Seattle after she had turned him down, once and for all.

When she sees Richard's office she can see through the windows that he isn't alone. She slows down when she realizes that Derek is the one who's in there. He looks up and away from Richard and his eyes meet hers. It's Addison who looks away first.

After a few minutes, Derek is rising from the chair and walks towards the door. Addison dreads the moment when he will pass her but to her surprise Derek seems calm and sad instead of angry and upset like yesterday as he walks up to her. When he stops in front of her he looks down for a brief moment and he almost looks defeated.

"How are you?" He asks with low voice.

"Um, I'm okay," Addison says slowly, not being able to get over how subtle Derek acts at the moment.

"Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday." He makes a move with his right hand as if he's about to touch her but then he stops and lets his arm fall down to the side of his body. "I hope you have a pleasant flight back," he says and it actually sounds as if he means it.

Then, before Addison can say anything else Derek turns away from her and walks away quickly. Addison looks after him. She realizes that she hasn't seen this sensitive side of Derek in years and how much she's missed him. For a second she ponders the thought of going after him. But then what? She shrugs and takes a deep breath. She won't let him in again, not now when she's finally been able to let go of him. Instead, she walks with distinctive steps towards Richard's office.

"Richard?" She taps lightly on the door before entering.

Richard smiles when he sees that it's Addison and walks up to her. "Addison! I'm so glad you had the chance to stop by."

"Oh, come on. You know I wouldn't leave without one last goodbye." She smiles slightly at him, still not being able to stop thinking about Derek. "How's Adele?"

"She's getting better. Did you like the necklace?"

"I did, Richard. But it's too much. I understand if you guys have changed your mind.

Richard smiles slightly and shakes his head at her. "Adele knew exactly what to give you when she heard what's been happening between you and Derek lately."

"Nothing has happened!" Addison snapped but then looked apologetically at Richard. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude. I'm just so tired of this."

Richard sits down next to her on the couch. "I know, Addie." He pats her gently on the shoulder. "You'll probably punch me now but if I don't tell you, Adele will punch me instead so…" Addison looks expectantly at him. "I told you the story yesterday about how I gave Adele the necklace on our twelfth anniversary." Addison nods slowly and Richard sighs quietly. "Adele thinks you and Derek will celebrate you twelfth wedding anniversary as well."

Addison opens her mouth to say he's wrong but nothing comes out.

"He's still in love with you," Richard says matter-of-factly. "You have to know that, Addie."

"Richard, I can't deal with this," Addison whispers weakly. "It's too much. I've been over this in my head so many times I've stopped counting them by now. I like to think that I know Derek better than anyone and I know what's going on in his head right now as well and I know that he's just fooling himself." She turns to look at Richard with tears in her eyes. "I have no doubt that he'd treat me like a queen the first couple of months but then he'll go after something or someone else again. It's the way he works. He can't ever settle for what he has." She takes a deep breath and puts a stray of hair behind her ear. "And when he realizes that I'm not good enough for him – again – he'll leave me. I just can't bear losing him again. It's too hard, Richard."

She covers her face with her hands and cries silently. Richard looks a bit awkward and shifts his position on the couch. Then he clears his throat to get her attention. When she looks up at him, with teary eyes and streams of mascara on her cheeks, it feels as if someone just punched him in the stomach and he isn't sure if he's doing the right thing by saying what he thinks.

"I don't know, Addie," he says quietly. "But if you don't think it's worth the chance… All I'm saying is that you and Derek love each other more than life itself and I know that you can't function properly without each other. And if you're not taking him back because he _might _walk out on you again, which I doubt, isn't that cheating on life? Can you seriously tell me that you feel alive when you're not around him?"

"I know what you're trying to get at here, Richard, but things don't work out for everyone like they have for you and Adele." She looks him straight in the eyes. "You come to a point when you realize that you can't take it anymore. I've finally gotten back on my feet and I'm not sure I'd be able to a second time."

Richard nods slowly. "I just have one more question for you." Addison looks tiredly at him and raises her eyebrows. "If it took away all the pain and hurt you've been feeling for the last year; do you wish you'd never met Derek?"

Addison's eyes soften and she smiles sadly. "No, of course not," she admits quietly. Then she grins at him. "When did you become a marriage counselor anyway?"

Richard smirks. "Adele taught me one or two things since she took me back."

- TBC -

* * *

**A/N: **So I realize that I made Richard a bit sappy and that he'd probably never act this way on the actual show but I needed someone to talk sense into Addison and I couldn't think of anyone else who seem to have more insight to their marriage than Richard. Well, that would be Mark but that'd just be weird. Anyway, there will be one more part after this one. I hope you enjoyed this one. Please review, it makes me really happy!! 


	7. 7

**A/N: **So this is the last part of this story. Just like part 6 this part may seem a bit hurried as well, but I'm going to China for six months tomorrow, and I didn't want to leave without publishing the last part. I want to say a big **thank you** to all of you who has read this story and sent me reviews. It's meant a lot to me and it's very inspiring. It's always nice to know that someone else enjoys reading what you're writing.

**

* * *

****7.**

As she gets in the car, she wonders what exactly she is doing. But after leaving Richard's office she went over this in her head several times and finally she decided to go and see Derek. She still isn't sure of what she'll do or say when she faces him but she knows she has to see him one last time, to get some kind of closure and she wants them to end things on good terms.

When she stops the car at the space she used as her parking spot last year, she takes a deep breath. She leans her head against the steer wheel and wonders again if she did the right thing by coming here. But then she sits up straight and shrugs. She takes a deep breath again, realizing this will be much more difficult than she thought when she left the hotel. Before she can change her mind she gets out of the car and closes the door quietly.

When she reaches the small deck outside of the trailer, the door opens and Derek sticks his head out. Addison stops walking towards him for a brief moment.

"Addison?"

Addison looks down, and then she walks up on the deck. "Hi, Derek."

Derek walks out on the deck as well and closes the door. "Hi…," he says slowly. "I thought I heard a car but I would have never guessed it was you."

Addison smiles slightly at him.

"What are you doing here?" Derek asks after a few seconds.

When she sees the small glimpse of hope in Derek's eyes, she mentally kicks herself. When she decided to go here to say goodbye to Derek face to face, she had never imagined that he might misjudge the situation.

"I wanted to say goodbye," Addison says as gentle as possible. When she sees the disappointed look in Derek's face, she reaches out her hand to him and puts it on her arm. "I'm sorry, Derek. Should I've not have come?"

"No, of course you should have. I'm glad you're here," Derek says quietly and looks away.

Addison still feels guilty though, when she notices that Derek can't fully manage to hide the disappointment and sadness in his eyes. "I just felt that we needed some kind of closure. I don't want to leave knowing that my ex-husband hates me."

Derek looks up and straight into her eyes. "I could never hate you. You have to know that."

Addison smiles softly and shrugs. "Well, with everything that has been happening lately…"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it." Addison laughs a little. "Although knowing you I'm pretty sure you will anyway."

Derek smiles slightly. "Listen, are you in a hurry? I have beer."

Addison smiles and nods at him. "A beer would be nice."

Derek goes into the trailer to get the beer and Addison sits down in one of the chairs. As she looks out on the huge land in front of her, she can't help feeling a bit nostalgic. She remembers the good times she and Derek shared when they used to sit on this deck. At those times, Addison actually believed that their marriage would last.

"Here you are." Derek hands her a beer and sits down in the chair next to her.

Addison tries to discreetly wipe a way a tear that's rolling down her cheek but Derek notices it.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asks softly.

Addison snorts but then smiles slightly at him. "It's just this," she says and looks at the big lawn in front of them and Derek immediately understands what she means.

"I do that too," he admits. "All the time."

"Have you decided what to do with the land yet?" Addison asks and tries to get rid of the sadness she feels when she thinks about what the two of them could have had here.

Derek shrugs. "Actually, I'll probably put it on the market at the end of the week."

"Sell it? Why? Are you crazy?"

Derek shrugs again and drinks up what is left in his beer bottle. "It's just too many memories that I don't want to deal with just yet."

Addison raises her eyebrows at him. "So you'll just run away from them? That's so like you," she can't help add a bit sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he snaps angrily.

Addison rolls her eyes and looks at him as if he has to be kidding. "You really want to go there?" Derek doesn't say anything, just looks at her with challenging eyes. "Okay, fine, but don't hold it against me later. The most recent problems you've just ran away from has been me in New York after I slept with Mark. And then it was the time, only a few weeks ago, when I told you that Mark and I actually had a relationship. You just walked away at that time as well."

Addison stares at him so hard that Derek has to look away and Addison is afraid she crossed the line. This was supposed to be a peaceful goodbye and somehow it had turned out to an argument.

"Then look at it this way," Derek says, still without looking at her. "You haven't sold the Brownstone yet, have you?" Addison is quiet. "I'll take that as a no. So when you're moving back to New York, are you going to move back into our old home again? The home we shared for almost a decade?"

Addison sighs. "Okay, I get your point. I'm sorry for lashing out on you like that." Derek shrugs. "This must have convinced you that we don't belong together, though," Addison jokes. "We can't even say goodbye without arguing."

Derek smiles softly at her. "I'm still not convinced. I don't think I ever will be."

"Derek!" Addison looks at him in disbelief. "How could you not see what just happened here?"

"Maybe we think it'll be easier if we end this with a fight," he says simply.

His words hit her like a knife in the chest and she realizes that he's right. Even though, she had not intended to get into a fight with him when she came here, she knew it would be much harder to leave him if they had shared a tearful farewell. That's why she had taken his bait so easily just minutes ago.

"I should leave," she says quietly.

"Are you sure you want to do that?"

Addison nods and gets up. Derek does the same and takes a small step closer to her. It's only an inch between their bodies and Addison can feel Derek's warm breath on her face. She tells herself to take a step back but right now, moving seems impossible. Derek just looks at her and his eyes are young and soft again, reminding her of when they first started dating. Then Derek leans forward and gently brushes his lips against her neck before making a trail of light kisses towards her mouth. Then he stops and looks into her eyes for a second before lightly brushing his lips against hers.

Addison feels numb for a brief moment but then answers the light kiss. She expects to feel the tip of Derek's tongue on her lips soon but when he just softly keeps brushing his lips against hers, she realizes that Derek is letting her make the decision.

Then all of the sudden she snaps out of it and she forces herself to take a step back. She puts the tip of her fingers against her lips. "You shouldn't have done that," she says quietly.

She starts backing away from him as if she doesn't trust herself to be to close to him. He takes a few tentative steps after her.

"Addie…"

"No, I just need some… Can you just give me some space?" She looks at him with tears welling up in her eyes. "Why do you keep doing this to me?" She cries openly now. "Why do you make me fall in love with you over and over again?"

"Addie, I love you," he says sincerely.

"You don't! You just think you do because I'm leaving."

"I've already told you that isn't true."

Addison crosses her arms over her chest and shakes her head. "I'm leaving now."

As she runs to her car she can hear Derek yelling her name.

- - -

Derek hasn't been able to sleep all night. He's been tossing and turning over how things developed last night. He should have just let her go. If he had, maybe he had gotten his chance later, sometime in the future. He shouldn't have kissed her either. But on the other hand how could he not when she stood there in front of him, looking more beautiful than ever?

He looks at the time and realizes that if he wants to, he'll make it to the airport before Addison's flight leaves so he can apologize. On the other hand, maybe it's just time to let her go. He's already put her through enough trouble. Sitting up in bed, he decides not to go. When Addison's ready, she'll call him. He sighs and covers his face with her hands. He can't believe she's actually leaving. In a few hours she'll be a continent away. He looks over his shoulder and at the side of the bed that used to be hers. Then he pulls out the drawer in the nightstand. It's still there. Just like Addison, he couldn't bring himself to get rid of his wedding ring. With shaky hands, he picks it up and then slowly puts it on his left ring finger, where it belongs. Suddenly he feels more complete than he has in a long time.

He looks at the time again. He can still make it to the airport in time. She had told him yesterday that she didn't want to leave wondering if he hated her. Now he feels the same. He runs around in the trailer to find his car keys and wallet at the same time as he's brushing his teeth and is putting on his clothes. He takes one quick look of himself in the mirror before opening the door to the trailer. But as he's about to run towards his car he stops in his tracks when he sees that someone is sitting in one of the chairs.

Addison turns her head over her shoulder and smiles teasingly at him. "Took you long enough."

"But… What are you doing here? Isn't your flight supposed to leave in an hour?"

Addison laughs a little and raises and walks towards him. "You know, for a brain surgeon you can be so clueless sometimes." When he doesn't say anything, Addison laughs again. "I'm not leaving Seattle, silly." Derek still doesn't say anything, just looks at her with confusing eyes and Addison's starting to feel a bit insecure. "That is, if you still want me too."

Derek's face slowly starts to light up and it only takes a few seconds for him to grin from ear to ear. "You're serious? You're not just kidding with me?"

Addison shakes her head. "When I got in the car this morning I had every intention of going to the airport. I don't know how but twenty minutes later I'm here instead." She smiles softly. "You know, Richard told me yesterday that I was cheating on life if I didn't take the chance with you again."

Derek smirks at her. "And you don't want to cheat on life, do you?"

Addison grins. "Nope." Then she turns serious. "I'm taking a chance here, Derek, and so are you. We've already been through this more times than is normal. But I think this relationship is worth fighting for and when we face obstacles, which I know we will," she rolls her eyes and smiles slightly, "I'm not going to walk away. I'm done with walking away."

Derek nods. "So am I." He bites his bottom lip and looks as if he's trying to find the right words. "From this day I'll always remember how empty and lonely I feel without knowing that you are by my side. I give you that promise, Addison."

She takes his hands in hers and leans forward to kiss him but then she pulls away.

"Not again…!" Derek says with a small laugh but Addison isn't listening to him.

Instead she holds up his left hand and sees the wedding ring on his finger. Derek looks a bit embarrassed.

"I just put it on…"

He stops talking when Addison takes out the necklace with her wedding rings that's been hiding under her shirt. Derek smiles at her and puts his hands around her neck to unclasp the necklace. Then he gives it to Addison and she lets the rings slide off the chain. She holds out her open palm to Derek with the rings.

"Put them on," she whispers and smiles.

Derek takes her left hand in his and gently puts on the rings on her finger. Addison sighs contently at him, holds up her left hand, and looks at it.

Then she looks at Derek with a happy smile. "I love you."

"I love you too, Addie." Derek nearly chokes on his voice and his eyes are starting to get damp.

Addison can't help laughing, feeling her own eyes getting damp as well. "Aww, come here you big baby." She puts her arms around her neck and kisses him.

- The End -


End file.
